I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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