Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
