I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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