If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
