We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
