Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
