You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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