You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
