i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize