hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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