Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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