is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
