I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
