I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
