meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think my tv is drunk
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
