i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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