Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
