True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
