whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
