ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
