I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
