I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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