dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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