so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
