All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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