I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
