omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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