Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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