She is in my trunk
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize