CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
