Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
