k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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