It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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