so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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