It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
