One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
