Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize