He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
