DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
