I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My breasts were aching with rage.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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