I can text with my tongue
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
