i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
