i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
