Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do vagina's smell?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
