A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
