hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
