You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
