her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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