so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
