I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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