your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
