She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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