shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she told me i tasted like america
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
