I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
