my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
