There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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