I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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