The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
