Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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