on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
