ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
