big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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