why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
