I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
